|
|
Post by Emyr Sayer on Jun 23, 2015 21:33:01 GMT -5
It was unclear which was more prominent in Emyr's mind, the pain or the shame. The two were neck-in-neck as he tore across the space between the school and safety. Sure, superficially he was fine- the nurses had healed his shattered leg, smoothed away the cuts and bruises that he had accumulated in the fight. Removed the hideous effects of the curses that had been cast against him. But that did not ease the still strong sensation of sharp pain as he lost the fight. The further he got from the school, the more the shame overpowered the fading pain. He had failed, so completely, so utterly. If he had been anywhere but the school, he would be nothing but a corpse now. Defeated, discarded, worthless.
Delia had emerged from her hiding place to help him, and his repayment had been to bring upon her the same bastard who she had been hiding from. He'd been fighting for years, doing so well, learning everything he could, and the bastard had just pummelled him. That was why he had stayed here. That was why learning magic would be worth it, why he had to master every bit that he could. Because all of the Muggle skills in the world were of no use to him if he couldn't block a simple stunning charm. Emyr kept moving until he could no longer see the school through the trees, the higher functions of his mind lying dormant. If this hadn't happened so close to- it hardly mattered. He was always closer to being an animal than most people, and being beaten so soundly had left him a wounded animal. He had to stay away from people, he was no good to them anyway. Why had he ever thought he could help.
Emyr curled up underneath an old oak, and cried to himself.
|
|
|
|
Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 23, 2015 22:14:17 GMT -5
"Did you have a nice nap Mrs Gordon?" She said to what appeared to be thin air, of course that was to the common eye. Annabel saw and older woman who was getting up from the spot she had fallen asleep in and was stretching. The younger girl moved to help her up much to the appreciation of the older woman who was snuggling to get off the ground.
"I did dear thank you for asking." She said and Annabel waved it off. No spirit even had to thank her for doing what she was doing. This was her job, her mission in life. She was tasked to set all the souls she could free. Have them leave this life and right now her attentions where all focus on Mrs Gordon. A old seamstress who had died several years ago.
"Where you dreaming again? Was it about your son?" She asked as they walked along the ground and Annabel listen to the womans tail about how she died before she could tell her son she loved him before he left for the war. How she wanted to find him and say it once more. Poor dear... so many souls stay trapped here looking for living loved ones and sometimes even dead loved ones. Annabel was about to speak when something whipped though her. A intense feeling of pain and sadness. But not emotional pain physical pain... She looked around realizing that the spirit was gone and she gasped. Oh god what was this feeling?
Annabel looked around, the pain and the sadness building in the pit of her stomach making her very uncomfortable as she walked. And then she was hit with that primal feeling she had grown very use to feeling. "Emyr..." She said to herself before rounding a tree and gasping when she saw him. Her hands covering her mouth and she had to swallow down the pain as she walked over to the crying boy. Her hand had started to shake as she reached for her wand knowing what she needed to do. "Emyr it's me... come here I can make it better I promise."
|
|
|
|
Post by Emyr Sayer on Jun 24, 2015 2:01:41 GMT -5
Some far off, quarantined part of his brain told him that Annabel was the person who was coming near him. When the rest of him didn't respond, it grew steadily more insistent, begging to be allowed back in control of his body. It pleaded with him to be careful, to control himself, this was Annabel. Small, delicate, kind. He couldn't, mustn't do anything to scare her. Emyr could never hurt her, but this right now was not Emyr. This was the vagabond, the angry, wounded creature who would run for hours and hours and hours until he was far away from everyone he knew. The rational part of his brain held him back, kept him at the school, but it could not do much else.
He growled at Annabel, a low, dangerous noise. A warning, stay back, keep away. A note, to tell her that this was not the kind boy who had done his best to make her feel not alone, but the raw beast that she had felt hiding underneath all of that. Exposed and frightened and so very alone. His eyes were fixed on her shaking hand as it moved towards her wand, and if her fingers so much as grazed the end of it he would be gone. Emyr had to say alive and stay free, nothing else mattered. Nothing at all.
|
|
|
|
Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 24, 2015 2:38:58 GMT -5
He didn't reply to her, didn't even look at her as she dropped to her knees and slowly moved close to him. There was so many conflicting emotion in him. So much that hurt physically sending him into a almost extreme case of fight or flight that he was trying to fight off. It was like a war was raging on inside his head and she didn't understand how he was fighting it when his body hurt so bad as well. The poor thing she had to try and help. So she kept her voice soft and only made small moments so she would not scare him off. "Emyr..." She whispered moving in a little closer. "I promise it's just me..." Still nothing. Still just him curled up in pain and she swallowed hard as she reached out to touch his shoulder gently when he growled at her and she gasped, pulling her hand back with her eyes wide.
Wait he growled at her? She had moved back some, as that raw energy she was unable to understand raced through his body. What in god's name was going on with him? Whatever he had been keeping hidden from her on the day they meant this was it. It was exposed for her to see and it confused her even more. Where did it come from? Why did he have this energy locked deep in his soul but it came out now? And what had happen to him to put him in such a state? "Please..." She said softly swallowing again hoping that her words would somehow find his way into his head right now and make him see the light. "Emyr please let me help you. I can make it go away I promise." This was all so terribly confusing. He wasn't' the same sweet boy she was so lucky to have met. The same one that dried her tears and was a wonderful friend to here. It was whatever was in him that took over and changed him. But what? What could it be...
|
|
|
|
Post by Emyr Sayer on Jun 24, 2015 2:50:57 GMT -5
He wouldn't have bitten, he would never have hurt her, could never. He just needed her to go, away, get as far from him as she could but she wouldn't go. She thought she could help, when all anything did was make things worse. Emyr railed against himself, trying so hard to be a person again, not a creature. He would never forgive himself if he did anything to Annabel. That much was certain, unchangeable, definite. So he used it, as a weapon, a tool against his own mind. If you hurt her, I'll hurt you. If you hurt her, I'll hurt you.
If you hurt her, I'll hurt you.
Like a fucking miracle, it worked. The animal in him knew that he would always be able to regain control eventually, and that he was ultimately the custodian of their shared body. He could choose to end everything, if it misbehaved, saving the world from the horror that he knew he was. It would never be able to end itself, self preservation was a core of what it was. Self preservation, anger and hunger, that was all it was.
The fight fled from him, and everything went limp as his muscles relaxed as one. His face collided with the ground, the pain so insignificant compared to before that Emyr didn't even notice. He wasn't sure if the fight against James or the fight against himself had drained his energy more. Neither was something that he could ever be proud of. "I'm so sorry Annabel."
|
|
|
|
Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 24, 2015 16:22:33 GMT -5
All she could do was sit there and wait, see if whatever primal fight or flight emotion that was in him right now calmed down and he would let her help him. Her own body was so tense right now, sweat dripping down her back with knots twisting in her stomach as she closed her eyes. She couldn't move or breath for fear that anything she did would lead to him running off or him attacking her. It was one of the two and she had no way of knowing what what would do... Then it was like someone knock down a damn letting relief wash over her and she let out the breath she didn't even notice she was holding. Her fingers moved back onto her wand and she pulled it out as she crawled over to where he was when his head hit the ground.
He was sorry... oh god the poor thing was sorry. His whole emotions shifted the raw primal energy was pushed back down and the same sweet boy was back. Only he was hurt, badly. There was pain that almost made her choke up with tears and cry herself and she swallowed some before gently touching his shoulder with one hand, and brushing back some of his hair with another.
"No no it's okay" She said softly with a small smile trying not to let his pain read on her face. That would be silly it wasn't really her own pain she shouldn't let her affect her. She just hoped she could help him, heal him and make it all better. So she took her wand and ran it over him, healing him up as best she could before saying "Who did this to you Emyr?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Emyr Sayer on Jun 24, 2015 19:43:49 GMT -5
The urge to throw up surged in Emyr, and he only narrowly managed to push it back. Probably his other self voicing its unhappiness at being forced from control, but it could do little more than complain now. "No, no it isn't. I'm so sorry Annabel. I nearly-" he couldn't bring himself to say it. How could he? How dare he? And here she was, healing away the little wounds that the nurses had missed, when all that was fucked now was his mind. Not even the best of healers could fix that, but he didn't even deserve her attempt to help.
"I did this. I did this, because I am a pathetic excuse for a wizard." No, said his insides. This was James' fault. That bastard was the reason he was out here, he was the reason he'd nearly attacked Annabel. He would get even with that bastard, if it was the only reason he stayed at this damn school. No one needed someone like him around- Emyr could stomach Samuel Smythe if it meant that James would go down. He would help Delia, he would break the bastard, and he would pass his exams. No sweat.
|
|
|
|
Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 25, 2015 13:31:02 GMT -5
"It's okay... You didn't and that's the important part." She said softly with her hands brushing back his hair some more as she smiled. "There that's a little bit better now isn't it?" He still felt so bad, so... There was an emotion for it that was like tired but more than tired. Tired because something traumatic happen and you lost control of yourself. "Shush it's okay really Eymr I know you didn't mean too." He really didn't he was just reacting to the signals his body was giving him. She didn't know what it came from, whatever power he had locked away was controlling those feelings and maybe she didn't need to know to be able to help him. To Sooth his fears just like he did with her a few days ago.
"Don't talk like that you are not a pathetic excuse for a wizard you just have some holes in your knowledge." She said with a soft smile before closing her eyes gasping. Dear that anger... that desire to get back at who did this to him. "You know revenge is a deadly thing. I have met several souls that stay trapped on this earth because of it. And even when they get it they realize it does not feel as good as they think it does." She said playing with his hair gently, comfort was what he needed. And this was what her mother use to do for her so maybe it would work. "So do you want to tell me who do this or do I have to figure out for myself because I will."
|
|
|
|
Post by Emyr Sayer on Jun 25, 2015 20:46:22 GMT -5
Emyr knew that he had to get himself under control, that being exposed to all of this toxic emotion could in no way be good for Annabel, but he could not summon the energy to do so. I nearly did, he almost said, I was so close. The thought made him feel sick all over again. He didn't start fights, that wasn't his way, he just dished out what people served to him. Sure, his quick wit and big mouth often resulted in the fight being started, but it was almost never him that threw the first punch. That way, at least, he could tell himself that he was a pacifist. But he had come so close to attacking her, and it terrified him.
"The sum total of my knowledge about magic would fill a thimble, Annabel." Understatement of the century, she'd managed, and they were only two decades into it. Then she started to almost lecture him on revenge, and bloody hell did he know what she was saying. He'd seen men, and women too, torn apart by a desire for revenge. And those that were successful were hardly better off, truly. "I don't have to get revenge for myself. I have to do it because I failed someone, and what good am I if I can't keep people safe?" No good whatsoever, was the only possible answer. The skills of his few years on the streets meant nada if he couldn't use them to keep people safe. "You don't have to worry about it."
|
|
|
|
Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 25, 2015 22:17:37 GMT -5
She just had to keep breathing, and she had to remember these weren't her emotions. These were Emyr, and they could not hurt her the way they were hurting him. She looked down and it was like her heart was breaking, he was so scared about the fact that he almost hurt her and she knew that she could say it until she was blue in the face and he wouldn't believe her that it wasn't his fault. He was just doing what his emotion and body told him to do... whatever that primal thing in him was told him and that wasn't his fault. "Shush just relax, breath in and out and relax, your okay."
"Well that okay, you will learn that why we are in school isn't it? And I promise to help you as much as I can so come exam time you will be the top student. You might even beat Theodore Keating!" She said trying to make him feel better anyway she could. He was all healed up and now all that was left to do was to fix all emotional scars. "It's not your job to keep everyone safe from every evil in the world. Because if we could protect everyone the world would be out of balance. Bad things need to happen and sometimes you need to just... let it go." She breathed out fingers still in his hair and he was doing it again. He was trying to protect her from going off and finding whoever did this and comforting them. "You don't have to protect me too you know. I'm your friend and I want to help you. So I do have to worry about it."
|
|
|
|
Post by Emyr Sayer on Jun 25, 2015 22:46:39 GMT -5
Breathing. Every single attempt to calm down seemed to involve breathing. What if breathing wasn't easy? What if you were panting and coughing and you couldn't quite manage to keep it under wraps? What did you do then? Emyr struggled, but got a hold of his breathing, and like always, it helped. He almost wished that breathing steadily didn't help you calm down, and then he remembered that it was Annabel, and she was just trying to help. She didn't know that that was the exact same piece of advice that Cordelia had given him before the asshole had appeared.
"I doubt it," he replied, but there was no bite to it. All of the people that he had told about his total and utter lack of skill had not only been understanding, but had offered to help him with his studies. "It's my job to protect people from the evil that I see. What's the point of me if I can't help anyone?" Emyr wasn't so conceited as to think that he could make any significant contribution to ridding the world of evil. But he had always thought he could alleviate some of the horrible things that happened around him. That if he saw something happen, he could stop it, fix it, make it a little easier. All that he had done was make things worse. "I do have to protect you. You're an empath who talks to spirits. You need protecting as much as anyone I've ever met."
|
|
|
|
Post by Annabel-Lee Atkinson on Jun 26, 2015 17:08:39 GMT -5
"It's my job to protect people from the evil that I see. What's the point of me if I can't help anyone?"
Now that was a very good point. What is the point of anyone if they cannot fulfill the purpose they create for themselves? The again what is the point of life and living if you aren't doing something be it good and bad? And she had met alot of spirits who regretted not doing anything during their lives. Still she couldn't have Eyrm killing himself over the guilt that comes with not being able to keep people safe. "Well just remember you can't protect everyone all the time. Bad things need to happen to keep everything in order and it's up to you to decided how you handle yourself." She said softly with a small smile shaking her head. He was such a speical boy, there was so much pain and yet such a light and a caring nature to him. Sure whatever was down in there that almost attacked her was scary but... God he was a sweet boy.
"Emyr I have made it nearly seventeen years without anyone to protect me. Just because I am a empath that talks to spirits doesn't mean that I need more protection than the next person. If at all..." She said softly looking down at him with a soft sigh. "And you know, will you are off protecting everyone else. Who is protecting you?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Emyr Sayer on Jun 30, 2015 2:25:27 GMT -5
"That doesn't mean, not for one second, that I shouldn't try to stop bad things from happening whenever I find them." About that, Emyr was adamant. He was fed up with the mentality that trying to help would never do any good, because he'd seen it help. And if it didn't, he would make it help. Balancing good and evil might be Annabel's philosophy, but he knew that there would always be an abundance of bad in the world. Fighting to try and help, to give good a chance to outweigh evil, that was the real struggle.
How did he try to explain to her in a not-insulting way that she had just proven to him that she did, in fact, need protection? No one else that he knew would have stayed around if someone growled at them, especially not if they could feel the intensity of the emotions that were inside that person. It was kind, but it was also incredibly stupid, and foolhardy. He'd come so close to hurting her. She just didn't seem to believe that anyone would attack her. "I don't need protecting, because I've been doing it for a few years now Annabel. We've had slightly different life experiences."
|
|
